UNTUCKit Shirt Founder Promises to Solve President’s Pants By 2027
Acclaimed “shirt shortener” Fabrizio Giancarlo announced today that having resolved the issue of shirts that are too long, he would now focus his engineering acumen on other things that are ripe for being undone.
“In 1996 I assembled the greatest industrial design team in the history of shirts” stated Mr. Giancarlo. “And after 36 months of intense effort, we were finally able to reduce the length of men’s shirts. The button-down shirt never has to be stained by urine again — also, it can be left untucked.”
Industry observers voiced skepticism in 1996 that the problem of button down shirts could ever be solved. “We always assumed that shirt length was a fact of life,” said Gena Faulkner, Sr. Partner Socks and Shirt at McKinsey Consulting. “For years, it never occurred to anyone that the shirt could be shortened. I mean, until UNTUCKit, we saw the bottom of the shirt as just an extension of men’s underwear, tucked-in and urine drenched.”
Riding high on the success of shirts, Mr. Giancarlo announced his next big move. “Grocery store bags are not big enough,” said Mr. Giancarlo. “I’ve directed my team to put their best thoughts together about how to make a grocery store bag bigger. We will solve this problem in a year or two — and we already have a name for the new bag — ‘UNSTUFFIt’.” When asked about the most critical features of the new bag, Mr. Giancarlo explained that more things will fit into it and it won’t be as stuffed. “Also, it will handle urine stains better,” stated the flamboyant CEO.
The search for the larger grocery store bag follows an intensive effort on the part of the design team at UNTUCKit to find a new suitable project that offered the same high profile social benefit as leaving shirts untucked. Among the high profile ideas discussed was a new approach to unwanted pregnancies with a working title of “UNF*CKit.” At the end of the day, the team decided to stay away from political projects, profanity, and issues that did not involve at least a smidgen of urine.
Although UNF*CKit died on the drawing board, Mr. Giancarlo is not necessarily done with deeply vexing problems. “We have a very dynamic research team and I am confident we can solve many of the world’s problems,” he said. “For instance, how about a moon shot for golf pants that make lumpy men look good? I mean, imagine if we could make Donald Trump look good and free of urine stains by like 2027? Close your eyes and try to imagine a world like that!”
