Trump Defies Scientists By Manipulating the Space-Time Continuum
Trump proves that alternative facts anti-matter
Donald J Trump and his ragtag band of advisors, cronies, former Goldman Sachs executives, and relatives, the very best team in the world, have come under considerable scrutiny due to their extravagantly liberal approach to truth. After a difficult month notable for unprecedented levels of hatred and divisive politics, Trump is unexpectedly being heralded as a visionary. Firstly, he is being lauded for single-handedly inspiring a new era of ingenuity and creativity amongst the mainstream media, who are having to find increasingly novels ways of circumnavigating the word ‘lie’.
Secondly, having literally offended half the world’s population (China, Muslims, thinkers, and Mexico), Trump, already a shoe-in for the worst president ever, pulled what can only be described as the biggest scientific coup for any presidential administration. Since records began, post-inauguration has been the longest month known to humanity, ever. Many scientists remain baffled at how Trump, a serial liar and national affront to reason, has managed to gerrymander the physical world’s ultimate frontier, the space-time continuum. Scientists are speculating the disturbance may be due to hitherto unparalleled levels of self-regard, incompetence, and vanity.
Scientists were frantically rechecking the calculations behind Minkowski’s “fake news” on space-time. Many scientists believe that Trump may have also cracked the conundrum of time travel. Given his recent policies- banning Muslim refugees, crackdown on planned parent hood, glorification of torture, Frederick Douglass’ reemergence, and ignoring the impending doom of global warming, many woke up thinking they were in 1842. Re-orientation was however rapidly attained upon receiving the president’s whining tweets about TV ratings- a predicament entirely unique to our own glorious time.
Moreover, Trump’s administration has been so shambolic that the dignity of Obama’s administration is now considered by many to be a political Schrodinger’s cat and question its very existence.
However, as news spread around Washington of the cat’s paradox, the pro-life lobbyists in the administration, led by Mike Pence, quickly stepped into denounce quantum mechanics as anti-American and the work of Satan, thereby reinstating Obama’s legacy to a very very long and distant time ago, a time previously known as last month.
Furthermore, upon learning that, the now discredited, Einstein was German, a petition has been started amongst the grassroots of the party to have him deported as soon as possible- with the expectation that Mexico will pay for his ticket back home.
Trump’s closest advisers, including Steve Bannon, have reassured us that the president continues to have a really good feeling about everything, the best feeling actually, and as we stare into the black-hole that is now America, alternative facts will, in the end, show us, that everything will be all white.
@progdoctalk
