The State Of The World — 2016

A quick recap.

Best-case scenario.

Presented in no particular order.

  • America. A meme has been elected president. White supremacists have a foot in the door of government. The Nazi salute is back in fashion. The Vice-President-Elect is a creationist.
  • The Philippines. The president has called Obama a ‘son of a whore’, has offered his sexual services to brides at a mass wedding, and once lamented not being first in line to gang-rape a woman to death. Filipinos apparently appreciate his honesty.
  • Britain. Has finally gone full retard by choosing to leave the European Union — a task easier said than done, as it turns out.
  • Turkey. Since the failed coup, the president has been purging the country of opposition and is seeking to extend his rule until 2029.
  • Russia. Still going strong as the world’s largest dictatorship.
  • France. For its next president, France is in all seriousness considering the daughter of fascist boogeyman Jean-Marie Le Pen, a move which could kill the EU, NATO, the IMF, the WTO, and anything else foolish enough to reduce itself to an acronym.
  • Italy. In the grips of yet another celebrity-turned-agitator.
  • Germany. Trying to hold the EU together while also teaching the world how to show compassion towards refugees. In return, the world points and laughs.
  • North Korea. Hard at work building nuclear weapons.
  • Japan. First to go when North Korea starts using those weapons.
  • China. Keeps on growing. Chinese food will eventually be known as ‘food’.
  • Cuba. Bracing itself for its new leader, Donald Trump.
  • Canada. World’s largest refugee camp in waiting.
  • Mexico. Will probably build that wall, to keep Americans out.
  • Syria. Being razed to the ground by its own president, with a helping hand from Russia. Children’s hospitals are being bombed, which means someone, somewhere, is saying, ‘That building with the sick children inside: bomb it.’
  • Saudi Arabia. Still one of the world’s most repressive regimes but everyone looks the other way because there’s tons of cash to be made dealing with those oily scumbags.
  • The rest of the Middle East. Looked like it might get better after the Arab Spring but is now definitely worse. Peace envoi Tony Blair has surprisingly failed to solve the Arab-Israeli conflict.
  • Eritrea, Equatorial Guinea, Somalia, Sudan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Tibet, Western Sahara. Human rights need not apply.
  • Zimbabwe. Mugabe is 92. He’s been shitting on Zimbabwe for 29 years. Not long ago the central bank responded to hyperinflation by printing banknotes for 100 trillion dollars. The currency has since been abandoned.
  • Sierra Leone. Torn to pieces because some humans like to shell out insane money for carbon atoms arranged in just the right way.
  • Venezuela. The economy has collapsed. People are starving and fleeing in droves.
  • Thailand. In turmoil because a man sitting on a throne for 70 years has died.
  • All the other countries. Also in the shit. Except for the Nordic ones where everyone’s beautiful and the happiness index is through the roof.
  • The Pacific Ocean. Full of plastic.
  • The Arctic. Melting.
  • The rainforest. Dwindling.
  • The ozone layer. Depleting.
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