Superstitious Trump Grows Wary Realizing He’ll Be “45th” U.S. President

Says it’s ominous sign that 45 is sixth positive integer with a prime factorization of the form p2q, with p and q being prime

President-elect Trump became pensive after doing astrological calculations related to the number 45.

President-elect Donald J. Trump is not just a brilliant businessman and successful TV personality, he’s also an accomplished numerologist and avid student of the occult.

And it’s his understanding of the number 45 that has him spooked. “Most people know that 45 is the smallest triangle number, after 1, which can be written as the sum of two squares,” said the next commander-in-chief. “This is generally considered a worrisome sign.”

A “.45” caliber revolver is the weapon of choice for presidential assassins.

Mr. Trump also points out that the weapon used most often in assassination attempts against U.S. presidents has been a .45 caliber revolver. “This might seem an irrational fear to some, but not if you’re the one looking down the barrel of a Colt .45 in the hands of a maniac intent on terminating your life and mussing your hair.”

Staying on theme, the president-elect mentioned that I-45 is more than just an interstate highway in Texas connecting Dallas and Houston. “I45 is the route President Kennedy’s motorcade traveled several hours before he was shot and killed. Anyone who understands the power of the number 45 stays off that interstate every November 22nd.”

Pope John-Paul I, elected August 26, 1978, was one of only 45 popes who served less than a year. Mr. Trump thinks this could be a portentous sign.

Perhaps most troubling to the newly elected president is a little-known fact related to papal tenure. “The Catholic Church records 45 popes who reigned for one year or less,” said Mr. Trump, “the last one being John-Paul I, who performed the papal duties for only 33 days. Should I be worried about this? I believe I should, yes.”

Asked how the number 45 might play into his decision-making as president, Mr. Trump seemed too preoccupied to respond, retreating to his private residence in Trump Tower.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.