“Shit Hole” Opens Dirty Pathway For Other Politicians, Even Way Down The Ballot
Last week, Trump’s casual reference to Haiti and African countries as being “shit holes,” has emboldened prospective politicians, who hope to imitate Trump’s abrasive style.
Leroy Pultrud, of Mississippi is running for Assistant Animal Control Officer & Dog Catcher of Burnt Dirt County.
“My opponent is weak on rodents and Haitians,” said Mr. Pultrud. “Now, thanks to Trump, I can feel free to call him a douche-bag cocksucker. I’ll be putting these ads up on billboards downtown. I can’t wait to tweet the picture my team photoshopped of him jerking off a rescue dog. Thank you, President Trump!”
Meanwhile, political consultants around the country are adjusting their tactics and communication techniques as the 2018, Congressional midterms and high school student council elections heat up.
“I’m representing a brilliant honors student, at Ronald Reagan High School, in the Murkie Waters School District, near the Walmart of America,” said Alicia Crumpernik, a national political consultant who focuses on young red state Republicans running for student councils. “She’s very tough on Africa, and we plan to build a campaign around a very simple idea — senior cheerleader Latoya Washington shouldn’t be allowed to attend Prom, because her great grandfather was imported from a shit hole country, and because she’s still stubbornly a Black.”
Likewise, other consultants are helping their clients to highlight the benefits of their heritage. In Harlan County, Minnesota, Lief Anders, a recent Norwegian immigrant, is in a tight contest to become the County’s senior Parking Ticket Official. Recent polling shows he is within several points of Nia Zendaya, the incumbent for the last fifteen years.
“I’m highlighting my qualifications, to oust Zendaya” said Anders. “I’ve been working on a message that keeps my parking ticket writing skills and Norwegian credentials front and center. So far, ‘A Vote For Anders, Is Not A Vote For A Fuckwad Loser From A Shit Hole Country, Hey I’m 1/2 Norwegian!” seems to be gaining me some traction.”
When pressed if this was an appropriate approach, for a very public campaign, which would invariably be seen by children, Anders was sanguine.
“I promise, I won’t go negative, unless I slip in the polls,” said Anders. “Just because Nia is a dirty syphilitic whore, with suspicious immigrant connections to crime infested, shit hole countries, doesn’t mean I have to directly call her a shit hole, yet.”
