Ryan Dumps Trump, Declares His Loyalty To The King Of The North
House Speaker says he’ll now campaign exclusively for Jon Snow
In a surprise move certain to shake up the 2016 presidential race, Republican House Speaker Paul Ryan says he can no longer defend the banner of Donald Trump, but will instead answer the call of House Stark.
“Jon Snow is the rightful king, bastard or not,” Ryan declared, righteously. “When Lyanna Mormont confronted the leaders of the other northern houses, I understood that as a representative from Wisconsin, I was refusing the call, too. But no longer.”
Ryan seemed to be referring to Season 6 of Game of Thrones (GOT), when Lady Mormont of Bear Island sassed a number of northern houses for abandoning Jon Snow and Sansa Stark in their time of need. According to Ryan, Snow will make a better leader of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros than either Trump or Hillary Clinton and “there is a time when the future of the realm comes before party.”
Asked to comment on Ryan’s ill-timed defection, Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus said, “Speaker Ryan seems to be confusing fact with fiction here. Jon Snow is a fanciful character created for television entertainment, whereas Donald Trump is … uh, well … never mind.”
Gov. Mike Pence of Indiana, Mr. Trump’s running mate, called Mr. Ryan’s move “hasty,” but did not rule out a realignment of his own allegiance. “Look, I’m an Indiana boy, born and bred, and as such I can’t completely disregard a summons from my northern brethren. The Pence family has been faithful to the Starks for a thousand years. And, as you know, my faith is paramount to me.”
Donald Trump, upon hearing the comments by Ryan and Pence, immediately tweeted his reaction before running out of allotted characters: “WTF! When are these two bozos going to get with reality! Jon Snow is weak — Cersei is strong. Hot, too. I’d like to grab her …”.
David Benioff, a producer of HBO’s award-winning Game of Thrones series, commenting on location from Kangerlussuaq, Greenland said, “This is seriously weird. You can’t write stuff like this … well we could, but practically no one else is capable of it.”
Bella Ramsey, the 13-year-old actress who plays Lady Mormont on the show, had this reaction, “Americans are so fucked. I’m a kid and even I can see that their reign is over.” She then added in her strong British accent, “Winter is coming — they’d be wise to answer the call before it’s too late.”