Order of Program for the Inauguration of President Donald J. Trump — Washington, D.C., January 20, 2017
Musical Selection — “Edelweiss,” the Alt-Right Marching Society and Young Men’s Choir
Call to Order and Welcoming Remarks — Mr. Scott Baio
Invocation — Melisandre
Hunting of the Naked and Defenseless Hon. Governor Chris Christie Along the Capitol Mall — Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump
Musical Selection — “Dixie”/”Bawitdaba,” The Oak Ridge Boys with Kid Rock
Oath of Office Administered to Vice President Michael R. Pence — Associate Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and his dummy, Skeeter
Death Eaters Flyover
Arrival of Her Royal Highness Princess Ivanka and the Royal Consort Prince Jared on the golden Inaugural Barge All in the Family, towed down the reflecting pool by 100 white swans.
Fashion Show — Presenting the must-have looks for spring from the Ivanka Trump Collection, available now at Macy’s, Nordstrom and QVC. Operators are standing by!
Oath of Office Administered to President Donald J. Trump — The reanimated corpse of Associate Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
Inaugural Tweet — President Trump
Musical Selection — “New York, New York,” Frank Sinatra impersonator Joe Pugliese and a former Rockette who claims that “The Jews” ran her out of showbiz.
Oath of Office Administered to President of the United States of Russia Vladimir Putin — Chief Justice Ernst Blofeld
Shredding of the Constitution — Students of the Make America Great Again KKKindergarten, Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Musical Selection — “Oh-ee-oh, oh-oh,” The Imperial Guard of the Wicked Witch of the West
Opening of the Hellmouth — The Giant Snake Formerly Known in Mortal Form as The Hon. Mayor Rudolf Giuliani
Commemorative Poem — “And Still I Whine,” Mr. Sean Hannity
Dance of the Seven Veils and Presentation of the Head of Mitt Romney — Miss Kellyanne Conway
Benediction — His Royal Highness Satan, Prince of Darkness
National Anthem of Russia — The Electoral College Glee Club
Inaugural Luncheon — 100-Swan Souffle, Christie Burgers
