Open Letter to the uterus living in my five-and-a-half foot , “cozy” studio body.
Hey, just speaking as a concerned friend here, it seems like you’ve been pretty moody lately and I don’t know why. It’s like your mood has been bringing down the whole chill vibe we got going on, you know? Just know I’m here if you need to talk. But also I’d prefer if you just dealt with this on your own. K love you bye!
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Hey again. :) So I’m definitely not blaming you or anything, but it felt like you sort of pressured us both into eating those three Nutella crepes. And that bag chocolate chips. And the box of peanut butter cookies.
I’m not saying you have to pay for all the food we ate or anything. But maybe Venmo me for half and we’d be cool? Only if you want to, though.
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Hey, me again. So listen, about that get-together thing you threw last weekend. You led me to believe it would just be a two or three night kinda deal and it lasted, like, six and a half days. I’m totally not judging your social life or anything, you do you, you know? But if you’re going to keep living here could you please not do that again? K thnx.
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PLEASE CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR OWN ENDOMETRIUM WHEN YOU’RE DONE WITH IT. THERE’S NO MAGIC UTERINE LINING FAIRY HERE TO DO IT FOR YOU.
K going out ttyl.
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Hey…feels like I haven’t seen you in a while, we good?
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Hey, me again. :) You still live here right? Haha totally kidding. ‘Course ya do. Glad our relationship is strong enough to joke around like that. Would love to know what’s going on in your life though, like if you’re mad at me or maybe having a hard time at work or pregnant or whatever. No big deal, it’s all good, just drop me a line whenever. Miss you girl xoxo.
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Hey remember all those good times we had? Like when we binged on chocolate and Gilmore Girls in my room while you secreted luteinizing hormones to stimulate ovulation? Haha that was sooo fun, right? You could defs do that again if you wanted to. I wouldn’t judge.
I miss you.
Please come back.
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Hey… so glad you’re back. Maybe next time don’t wake me up at 3am to let me know, though.
And seriously, Venmo me for that Nutella.
xoxo.
