Not to Brag, But all my Pet Peeves are Rescue Peeves
Maybe it’s time you give a forever home to a Rescue Peeve
Sure, I could have spent a lot of money and gone out and purchased an expensive pedigreed peeve, but that’s just not me. I’m not that guy. (Recently revealed research has shown that I’m not most guys). I’m not even that other guy. Just some guy that adopts rescue peeves. That guy.
Sure, sometimes you get annoyed. Sometimes you’re even in the second-person, even if you don’t want to be. You can’t help that.
We understand.
It’s a well-known fact that people are annoying. Recent studies at Johns Hopkins revealed that being annoying can comprise as much as 97.9% of human behavior (percentages may be higher if you’re married).
But that doesn’t mean you have to go out and get a run-of-the-mill peeve. Peeve mills are the worst, right, Karen Waygood?
You see, it’s just that there are plenty of perfectly good pet peeves out there just waiting for a home. So I only adopt rescue peeves. Some of them have been around for awhile, like being annoyed at people who think the earth is flat but I don’t mind sharing my home with an adopted perfectly good pet peeve that still has a surprising amount of life in it. (Editor’s note: I’m in the first-person again. You’re not.)
The point is, you should never discriminate against a perfectly good pet peeve just because it’s not young anymore. Some of the best pet peeves in the world have been around the block a few times and are still perfectly lovable.
If I sound pompous, pretentious, and presumptuous, well, that’s just a preponderant penchant for alliteration. There’s one right there, being driven to fury by frenzied fervor for alliteration. That peeve might perhaps provide a perfectly proper pet for people prone to a propensity for such proclivities. Sure, it’s not the cutest or the toughest rescue peeve in the shelter but it’s the kind of peeve you could cuddle up to. Or maybe your peeve could be sentences that start with conjunctions or end in prepositions, if that’s what you’re against.
