Not All Who Are Alone Are Lonely
When you see someone sitting alone, maybe they’re at their happiest.
Scenario #1: It’s Friday night. You’re home alone, enjoying a nightcap. You put on a playlist from ten years ago. You dance, you cry, you feel nostalgic. Nostalgia is a powerful tool; it brings you to your knees.
Scenario #2: You decide to read your book at a nearby coffee shop. Occasionally you’ll look off into the distance, contemplating a passage you’ve just read. You sit there for hours, lost in a world created by words.
Scenario #3: You’re at a party, the room is crowded, everyone is having a good time. You step outside and sit by yourself for 30 minutes, thinking about nothing in particular, other than how the evening air smells good or if you should start writing that book proposal.
Scenario #4: Your favorite band comes to town, a movie that piques your interest plays at the theater. You buy a single ticket.
Scenario #5: You get in your car and you drive somewhere new.
In all of these scenarios you’re alone, but are you lonely?
I’ve spent the majority of my life asking myself that question, and the answer I always come up with is no, but society continues to make me challenge my response.
As a person who enjoys meeting strangers, sharing emotion with her loved ones or asking questions during a work meeting, I am not an introvert. However, I often have the deep and intense need to be by myself, alone in my thoughts, removed from the din of the world.
And I love it.
It is a hobby — one of my favorite pastimes.
But it can be misconstrued as loneliness, as seen by the friendly, well-meaning stranger who sits down to talk with me at the coffee shop, the caring, concerned friend who searches for and finds me sitting on the back patio of a house party, the general consensus that if you’re home on a weekend night, something must be wrong.
But not all who are alone are sad or lonely.
This isn’t a call to stop reaching out to the stranger or friend who appears to be lonely; it’s a reminder that if you do see someone alone, maybe they’re at their happiest.
Maybe that time alone is how they check in with themselves, or keep their well-being from becoming derailed. Maybe being alone, observing the world for an hour or 24 without the input of a child, parent or partner, is what that person needs in order to be the best person they can be. Maybe getting lost in a book, or reading the newspaper, or sitting on a bench staring out into the world is how they continue keeping themselves curious and intrigued.
Or maybe getting lost out in the world is how they prove to themselves that they are strong, and can handle truly being alone.
At least that is what I tell myself.
