Nation’s Hairstylists Under Pressure To Perfect “Trump Cut” Before January Rush

Hundreds of thousands of young men expected to emulate new president with similar cut and color

Kurt Schwarzenegger, son of Arnold, appears on Late Night with Seth Meyers. The actor was one of the first to get the Trump cut and believes many of his millennial peers will follow because, “Donald Trump’s a true American hero.”

Not everyone is put off by the synthetic-looking hairstyle of our soon-to-be-president. In fact, salons across the country are reporting that American men, particularly those in the 18–30 age group, are asking for the unusual cotton-candy coif in record numbers.

Hair salons report that many young men have already come in asking for the Trump look, but stylists are having trouble recreating the unusual cut and unnatural color.

“I haven’t seen this much interest in a hairstyle since Jennifer Aniston’s adorable mid-length Friends bob or Dorothy Hamill’s cutie-pie, wedge-cut back in the 70’s,” said Martin Bovile, hairdresser to the stars, who spoke from his eponymous salon in Los Angeles. “Never have I seen so many men go gaga over a male celebrity’s haircut, ever.”

Bovile added that not all men have the right hair texture or intricate cowlicks to sport The Donald, as some male clients have been referring to the style. Others are calling it The Nasty, The Presidential, The P**sy Pelt, and The Orangutan. “I’m one of the few stylists in the country who has untangled the mystery of the president-elect’s haircut,” Bovile said, “and I’m certainly the only professional colorist who’s been able to match the platinum-blonde-orange hue—it’s so elusive!”

“We are tracking this as a major future trend, especially on Wall Street and in coal mining country,” says cultural forecaster Faith Popcorn.

Buzz Colmer, who owns a small barbershop in the coal town of Erbacon, WV, has also noticed interest in the Trump cut: “Yup, even here in Boone, we got youngins comin’ in asking for The Savior— that’s what they call it down here, guess cuz Trump is going to bring all our jobs back,” said Colmer. “Boys in coal country, they know the Trump look is a real lady magnet, so they’re linin’ up. Just hope I can match that big front porch Mr. Trump’s got over his forehead — not sure I have enough hair spit in the shop to hold that up. We’ll see. I’m aiming to go down to the public library tomorrow, see if they have any informational articles on the Trump hairdo…you know, study up.”

Interestingly, the most Googled term since the election is “Donald Trump haircut,” suggesting that Buzz Colmer isn’t the only one who wants to learn more about recreating what is sure to become the most popular men’s hairstyle in the world.

If you enjoyed what you just read, please tap the heart button to recommend it. And follow me if you’d like a daily dose of warped humor. Thanks — AI