Melania Holds Out; Seeks Deal For Less Time With President on Second Season of “Trump’s White House”
Dexter Hornsby, the agent for the actress known as Melania Trump, has announced that Melania is on hiatus and doesn’t plan to participate in any more episodes of “Trump’s White House,” until a new contract can be arranged for Season Two.
“My client is very serious about this,” said Hornsby. “This is an incredibly hard character to play and her co-star is disgusting. She won’t be back until the money is improved or she can significantly limit the time she has to spend with the actor known as “the President.” Fifteen joint appearances with the Suet Face bastard, last year, nearly killed her.”
Insiders at the White House were caught off guard that Melania’s original contract had come to an end. The mix up was blamed on White House schedulers who hadn’t realized she achieved her contractual maximum of fifteen annual Trump related appearances, during the trip to Asia.
“It’s not just about the money,” said Hornsby. “Like the vast majority of Americans she thinks the old dude, playing the President, is a fraudulent, man-baby. She gets physically sick to her stomach just being around him. The endless whining and lying is exhausting.”
Officials at the White House expressed concern but felt they could find a way for the reluctant co-star to achieve at least some equanimity for the upcoming season.
“We are thinking of a story line that allows her to have an affair with one of the cute Secret Service agents,” said a senior White House advisor, who was helping to craft the President’s second season. “The other thing we are considering is having her flee one night with a suitcase full of stolen cash bribes. That story line sends her back to a Slovenian car wash, where she assumes the identity of one of her dead cousins — and spends the rest of her life hand washing Soviet-era cars. Most of the women on the staff agree that a life of detailing crap cars, even in heels, would be preferable to being in close proximity to the actor known as Trump.”
An aide to White House Chief of Staff, General Kelly expressed frustration over the continued Trump induced chaos.
“We have a tax bill to pass and a government shutdown to avoid,” said the aide. “And now we have to worry about Melania banging the Secret Service or fleeing with a bag of cash to a Slovenian car wash? General Kelly is right, the Trumps are more effed-up than a soup sandwich. It’s almost like a mindless idiot is producing this damn show!”
Editors Note: Totally satire. The Trump White House only seems like a terrible TV show. Unfortunately it’s reality. Will it ever be canceled? The ratings seem horrendous.
If you like this, it would be a delight if you would bang it out, via your preferred social media, to your gosh darn elitist friends who, in reality, should be proud for actually knowing stuff.
