Introducing The Apartments at Next To Trump Tower

You can finally move out!

Donald Trump has had his last chance in your eyes and now you are ready to move out, once and for all. How will you make it happen? Movers are so expensive, apartments are hard to find, and who wants a landlord reference letter from Donald Trump? We do! Introducing The Apartments at Next To Trump Tower.

We know moving from Trump Tower can be hard. The Donald has begged you to stay, but its time to go. We want to make this move as easy for you as possible. We have assembled a team of top notch professional “College Hunks” to move your “Junk” from Trump Tower to The Apartments at Next To Trump Tower.(Insurance not available)

Once you have moved your “Junk” to The Apartments at Next To Trump Tower, you can start settling down in our luxurious apartments. Our 1BD Apartments start at just $36,000 a month and feature a mostly finished interior. Complete with minor amounts of exposed asbestos, you will share your bathroom with the world famous Cat Lady. She wont be leaving fingernails anywhere, because she doesn’t cut them. A 2-way mirror is also included with your apartment through which the Cat Lady will be able to see you, and make sure you behave. Apartment comes with one complimentary toothbrush.

Once you have become acclimated to The Apartments at Next To Trump Tower, you will become familiar with the Doorman, Peter. Peter is a sweetheart and will only refer to you as Rumplestiltskin. He is blind and can not tell the difference between you and Rumplestiltskin. Another thing you will notice about The Apartments at Next To Trump Tower is the lack of a Trump Grill. Cool.

When your friends asked you where you lived, you timidly had to say Trump Tower. No more! Shout it from our safety-rail free rooftop because you live at The Apartments at Next To Trump Tower now. See you soon.