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If The Zodiac Signs Were Reality Stars, This Is Who They’d Be

These are the reality television counterparts to your zodiac sign.

When it comes to high-drama and hijinks, it’s hard to compete with a reality television star. Seriously, the folks who choose to live their lives in front of camera are oftentimes more polarizing than someone on a scripted miniseries. While they’re all shamelessly thirsty for camera time, each one plays the role of a very specific type of attention whore. As proof positive, we matched up the habits and personalities of the 12 astrological signs with their reality television equals to see what’s in their stars.

Aries: Flavor Flav, “Flavor of Love”

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Flav had enough ram-like energy to deal with a crazy crop of competitive women for three whole seasons. Aries are also known for not finishing what they start, which Flav can totally attest to since he wasn’t able to have a successful relationship with any of the three winners. Aries are often described as childish and novel, which is right in line with the clock Flav wears around his neck.

Taurus: Spencer Pratt, “The Hills”

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Fame-hungry Spencer Pratt has plenty in common with ambitious Taurus. He’s never one to turn down a photo-op and has an eye for beauty as evidenced by his graffiti wall . He also fully supports all eight of his wife’s plastic surgeries. Just like a bull, he’s also generally surrounded by bullshit.

Gemini: The Bella Twins, “Total Divas”

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With the Bellas, you get two personalities for the price of one: Brie’s free-spirited demeanor contrasted by Nikki’s high-maintenance attitude.

Cancer: Captain Sig Hansen, “Deadliest Catch”

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Sig Hansen, the no-nonsense captain of the Northwestern, is every Cancer’s reality TV twin. The crab fisherman’s mood is as unpredictable as the waves of the ocean.

Leo: Khloe Kardashian, “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”

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Khloe Kardashian is reality TV royalty, which makes her the perfect Leo. Her brash personality and unquestionable confidence are signature characteristics of the sign. She also just published a book about how to look great naked. Nothing says “confidence” more than that.

Virgo: Shannon Stewart, “America’s Next Top Model”

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Characterized by a virgin, the modest Virgo is best represented by Shannon Stewart, the celestial virgin whose intact hymen became a major part of her storyline on ANTM’s inaugural season. Stewart was so reserved that she refused to do the one and only nude shoot on the season, so she barely survived the elimination.

Libra: Judith Sheindlin, “Judge Judy”

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Much like Libra, Judge Judy loves harmony and peace so much that she made it her job. Libras are known for having a way with words — and we all know that Judge Judy has a razor — sharp one-liner for every situation. “Beauty fades, dumb is definitely forever.”

Scorpio: CT, “The Challenge”

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Scorpio is one of the most intense signs of the zodiac, and no one embodies its aura quite like CT from “The Challenge.” Remember the time he said, “ I’ll smash his head and eat it,” after one of many fights? He’s also known as one of the strongest challenge performers in the history of the show.

Sagittarius: Willie Robertson, “Duck Dynasty”

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The Sagittarius craves constant adventure, just like Willie Robertson of “Duck Dynasty.” The Sag is a tireless explorer who appreciates the freedom of the great outdoors more than anything else, so Willie is the perfect pairing for the astrological archer.

Capricorn: Chris Soules, “The Bachelor”

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Chris Soules, the gregarious, farmer from “The Bachelor” is the perfect representative for Capricorns around the world. He’s a wholesome, practical, blue jeans-wearing dude, thus making him a dead ringer for the goat of the zodiac.

Aquarius: Asa Soltan Rahmati, “Shahs of Sunset”

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Anyone who’s an Aquarius should consider Asa Soltan of “Shahs of Sunset” their reality TV counterpart. This free-spirited, water bearer (don’t think I forgot about Diamond Water just because she’s moved on to selling kaftans) breaks convention in every way. The “modern Persian gypsy” is the perfect pair for any bohemian-loving Aquarius.

Pisces: Kate Chastain, “Below Deck”

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Bravo-lebrity Kate Chastain from “Below Deck” fits the Pisces bill perfectly. The fish is known for their desire to escape reality, and given her willingness to be stuck in the middle of the ocean for half a year, that sounds about right. Pisces is a sign known for its wisdom and as Chief Stew, Kate has plenty of that to spare.

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