Have The Best Sex of Your Life Using Best Selling Items from Amazon.com

The options are endless and hot

Published in

Bullshit.IST

5 min readDec 4, 2017

Do you enjoy shopping on Amazon?

Sure, who doesn’t?

Do you love sex?

Umm, duh!

Ever dream of your sex life being significantly better in all ways?

Damn straight.

Well, here is how to use your love of shopping on Amazon to help you in the bedroom.

It’s about time!

Buy the following Best Selling items and you can thank me later.

Effective against the Yellow Fever Mosquito, which can transmit the Zika Virus which totally kills the mood.
Insect-killing repellent for your clothing is effective against ticks, mites, mosquitoes and “not tonight” headaches.
Will not stain or damage clothing, plastics, finished or outdoor gear while also providing both of you with an incredible, and almost unmanageable, sex drive for 6 weeks (note: if newly-enhanced sex drive lasts longer than 6 weeks, you could see your physician, or you could thank us).
Odorless after drying; ideal for use while hunting animals or during role playing.

Launches like a rocket…flies like a helicopter, or at least, that’s what she’ll be saying afterwards, fellas.
Sensual LED lights for flights day or night that make any sexual experience more exciting — can even be seen when blindfolded.
Dazzling spinning light show can be seen from a half mile away allowing you to easily promote your burgeoning home pornography business.
Kit includes: 6 Rocket Copters and 3 launchers and hours of the most awesome (and well lit) sex of your life.

Designed with two lounges that are interconnected (read: one sexy lounge), this lounge is perfect to float with a friend whom you plan to float on the rhythmic, gentle waves of the water in close proximity to, or, in other words, have sex with.
This fun lounger has five air chambers for added safety when you get your freak on, and two built-in cup holders to keep your refreshments nearby as you relax in the water after multiple climaxes.
Easy to use connectors are included for fastening it to other Intex River Runs for those orgies that pop up out of the blue when floating on bodies of water.
Two heavy-duty grab handles (that’s what she said); All-around grab rope (can anyone say ‘bondage!’); and Repair patch in case things get a little out of control, which they almost definitely will.

Eco-Friendly Solar Fountain Pump: runs automatically, no battery or electricity needed which is perfect for those days when you are overly horny and environmentally conscious and want to get really really wet.
Portable and Multi-Application: bird bath, fish tank, small pond, garden decoration and unconventional, yet sensually wet, stage for the whole neighbourhood to enjoy you and your partner’s latest titillating performance.
Easy to use. Just place the solar panel in the water, get undressed and as soon as the sunlight hits it, the fountain will automatically work as you proceed to get it on.
Perfect for all of those times when you just wish you could have sex in a bird bath and/or water fountain.

Sturdy construction stands up to vigorous, and creative, naked playtime for you and yours for the hot nights when the kids are in bed early (thank you, Bourbon!) and you decide to role play as kittens. Meee-owww!
Three levels with three balls each more erotic than the level and ball before. Just try and contain yourself on level 3! We tried and failed, again and again and again.
Balls spin and roll for fun, exciting action for your pet and for all those times when you “accidently” lock your pet outside so you can finally re-enact those animalistic scenes from your favourite R-rated movies.
Non-skid pads at bottom keep toy in place as you and/or your pet goes to town! Like we always say “If the Tower of Tracks Toy is a rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’!”

Made using 1" thick Premium 100% Natural Western Red Cedar, sustainably harvested in Canada, because our experts have verified that the modern sex addict is really turned on by the environment and because Red Cedar is the best wood to get wood on (and believe me, we’ve tried them all).
Ergonomic design and smooth radiused edges for easy and comfortable use so you won’t be slowed down by Carpal Tunnel Syndrome when either scraping your grill or sexing your girl or both.
No more dangerous metal bristles in your food, mouth, gums and sensitive sexy bits. We’ve all been there — dangerous metal bristles poking into you at just the wrong moment — well, no longer if you buy our scrapper!
Full size scraper for single or dual hand use, because sometimes dual hands are needed to finish the job.

The handles have deliciously soft ergonomic grips in the hottest shade of red we could find. The ring pull lock means easy storage, even for the “OMG, is that thing real, it’s so big” 12 inch model. Clean up is a breeze, so don’t hesitate to whip out your silicone tongs all night long!
Silicone cooking utensils are designed to help support your complete food preparation, be it baking, flipping chicken on the gas grill, serving salad, creating homemade cookbook recipes, and taking turns playfully spanking each other while tied to the bed.
Essential kitchen utensils — built to last. If you break our tongs, we will not only give you your money back, but we will ensure that the video you provide as proof will go viral. #sextongs
Hook designed handle — easy to store & space-saving, designed to be better, more convenient cookware and sexware! No longer will you have to worry about fitting all of your sex toys and instruments in your limited storage area or garage!

That’s right guys, no longer will you shoot blanks or miss your desired target! Now shoot with unparalleled precision and accuracy! We have implemented advanced technology to our elite foam bullets, adding more weight to the orange tip, thus providing you with extreme accuracy and maximum precision!
Enjoy safe & fun & steaming hot battles together! The tested and approved Nerf foam bullets are ideal for endless hours of battles due to their safe and innovative design! Feel the adrenaline rush to your erogenous zones while battling with your sexual partners, friends soon to become sexual partners, or random people you meet on the street whom you’d like to potentially nail!
Rest assured that your Nerf pistol will never jam and will always have a full magazine as we will make sure that you never run out of ammunition again! Sorry, guys, we can’t extend that guarantee to you!
We, believe that you deserve the most durable, sexually-euphemistic and fun Nerf shotgun foam bullets! Enjoy the best simulated (and stimulated) sexy combat experience 100% risk-free! Money-back guarantee.