Anniversary Gifts For Your Significant Other

It’s a mold of my vagina, babe.

I am in a long term relationship (please, hold your applause) and one of the unexpected challenges I’ve encountered is coming up with gift ideas. Our first anniversary was easy. So was our second, and our third and fourth (get it? Because we’ve had lots of anniversaries. Because we’re in a long term relationship. An “LTR” as people in our circle say. Because we’re in love). But now that we’re on our seventh, I got really stuck on what to give him. An anniversary is different than his birthday, when I can take him out to have one of his favorite meals. It’s also different than Christmas, when I can give him an ill-fitting shirt I bought for $5 on Black Friday. An anniversary is about our never dying, nonstop, super passionate, weird smelling love. Thankfully I figured it out, and now you can too with this handy list.

  1. A taxidermied duckling sitting on a toilet reading magazines about Osama Bin Laden
Buy here

2. Kevin James Poster

Buy here

3. A doll we can pretend is our baby

Buy here (is she wearing Jordans? Peep those feet!)

4. Something taking Daddy ;) to the next level because I read in Cosmo guys love it when you call them Daddy

Buy here

5. Five Caucasian baby dolls to really hammer the baby thing home

Buy here

6. Elephant thong

Buy here

7. My student loan debt

What’s mine is yours, babe.

Good luck shopping for your significant other! And B, if you’re reading this, remember that if you don’t buy me diamond earrings I’ll fucking kill myself.

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