A Completely Coincidental and Unfortunate Amalgamation of Instructions on How to Get Tickets to Trump’s Big 100th Day Rally in Harrisburg, PA with Instructions on How to Take and Store a Stool Sample
1. Visit the Trump campaign website at www.donaldjtrump.com
2. Obtain a plastic specimen container from your physician
3. You may register for up to two (2) tickets per mobile number.
4. Place something in the toilet to catch the stool, such as an empty plastic food container, or spread clean newspaper or plastic wrap over the rim of the toilet.
5. All tickets subject to first come first serve basis.
6. Produce stool.
7. Fill in name, mobile phone number, zip code and number of tickets you want on Trump website.
8. Make sure the stool sample doesn’t touch the inside of the toilet.
9. You can register for no more than two (2) tickets.
10. Use the spoon or spatula that comes with the physician’s container to obtain stool sample.
11. Aim to fill about a third of the container with feces.
12. Indicate whether you would like to volunteer at the BIG rally.
13. Label the container with your name, date of birth and date.
14. Confirm you are not a robot.
15. Place the stool sample in a clean screw-top container and screw the lid shut.
16. Submit registration on Trump website.
17. Discard anything you used to collect the stool by putting it in a plastic bag, tying it up and putting it in a sealed garbage.
18. You will receive a verification code via Text. Enter that code into the website.
19. Wash your hands thoroughly with soap and warm running water.
20. Confirm verification code.
21. Give doctor stool sample as soon as possible.
22. Print tickets. You may also bring electronic device with you to BIG rally as proof of registration.
23. Stool samples must be fresh — if they aren’t, the bacteria in them can multiply. This means the levels of bacteria in the stool sample won’t be the same as the levels of bacteria in your digestive system. If the levels of bacteria don’t match, the test results may not be accurate.
24. Find someone to attend BIG rally with you.
25. If you can’t hand your stool sample in immediately, find out how long it can be kept in the fridge.
26. Get in car on Saturday and drive to Pennsylvania Farm Show Complex & Expo Center, at 2300 North Cameron St in Harrisburg.
27. Your doctor who requested the test will be able to tell you how long stool can be refrigerated.
28. Present tickets to BIG rally attendant and then attend BIG rally.
