5 Yoga Poses For When You Don’t Know What to Do With Your Life

Nolan Denker
Bullshit.IST
Published in
2 min readOct 12, 2016

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Sometimes life’s anxiety and stress is caused by uncertainty. You’re confused and anxious. Fortunately yoga can help put your mind at ease. But, you don’t want to be “in the moment” right now and that’s okay. There’s a Yoga sequence for you:

Eat In Bed

1. Grab left overs, cereal, or easy mac. It’s important not to strain yourself by cooking.
2. Sit in the middle of your bed, cross-legged with the bowl in your lap.
3. Eat.
4. Worry about spills tomorrow.
Health Benefits
— You’ll Stabilize Your Mushy Core
— Feeling of Accomplishment — eating in bed is harder than it should be
— Initiates Digestion

Netflixavasana

1. Lie flat on your back.
2. Prop your head up just enough to see your phone.
3. Watch Parks and Rec.
Health Benefits
— Camaraderie with out having to have a conversation
— Friends with out the exhausting “hows your life” questions
— Leslie Nope’s infectious optimism

Adult’s Pose

1. Lie on your knotted back.
2. Straighten your shoulders.
3. Take a deep breath.
4. Gaze at the ceiling.
4. Ask yourself, “Is this what life is? How Did I get here? Am I at the age where I need to be aware of how many bagel bites I eat in one sitting”?
Health Benefit
— Unintended Weight Loss
— Attempt at Self Discovery
— Feeling of Accomplishment — Instead of thinking to yourself, you’re talking to yourself — that’s better?

I’ve Had Enoughanasana

1. Roll on to your stomach.
2. Exasperated sigh.
3. Lift yourself into a half assed cobra.
4. Let your face fall into your pillow.
5. SCREAM.
Health Benefits
— Stress Release
— Vocal Warm Up
— Less public out bursts

Irony

  1. Lay on your shoulder.
    2. Contemplate getting up to do something meaningful.
    3. Roll over.
    4. Literally just stay there.
    5. Post Tweet, “Can’t Even RN.”
    Health Benefits
    — Relaxes the Body
    — Relieves the Mind — You almost left your bed, close one!
    — Feeling of Accomplishment — First step to feeling like yourself again is tweeting about not doing anything

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